As classmates and acquaintances began sharing what they remembered about Thomas Matthew Crooks, the 20-year-old who attempted to assassinate former President Donald Trump, a familiar refrain emerged.
He was an outcast; he ate lunch by himself. He was a loner.
After almost all the mass shootings or highly publicized attempts like the most recent one targeting former President Trump, people frequently share how the eventual gunman was bullied and didn’t have many if any friends.
Obviously, not everyone who experiences bullying becomes a murderer, and numerous other factors contribute to someone engaging in deadly violence. But I often wonder how much of history could be changed by simple acts of kindness. What if Christians intentionally sought out the outcasts and made them feel seen, welcomed, and loved?
New Gallup data suggests that while those who suffer from loneliness feel alone, loneliness itself often brings other harmful emotions with it.
Friends of loneliness
A study from health insurer Cigna found 43% of Americans feel isolated. And almost half say they are sometimes or always lonely (46%). Similarly, 47% say they don’t have meaningful face-to-face interactions with others on a daily basis. This loneliness does not come alone. It has consequences.
“Disconnection fundamentally affects our mental, physical, and societal health,” Surgeon General Dr. Vivek Murthy said when he classified loneliness as an epidemic. “In fact, loneliness and isolation increase the risk for individuals to develop mental health challenges in their lives, and lack of connection can increase the risk of premature death to levels comparable to smoking daily.”
In Gallup’s worldwide survey, 23% of people say they felt loneliness “a lot of the day yesterday.” A quarter of people were very lonely yesterday. That in and of itself is significant, but being lonely makes a person more likely to experience other negative emotions. Loneliness has friends.
Those who experienced loneliness a lot of the previous day are twice as likely as those who didn’t to also have experienced worry (64% v. 33%) and stress (60% v. 30%), more than twice as likely to report anger (43% v. 17%) and physical pain (46% v. 26%), and three times more likely to say they felt sadness (54% v. 18%).
Those negative emotions compound on each other. A lonely person who is hurting, worried, stressed, and angry is in a position to make a horrible, life-altering decision. But what if someone stepped in to stop the cycle?
Friends of the lonely?
Shootings elicit many questions, but one that always comes to my mind is: Where was the church? Could we have changed things by being Christ to those who felt ignored and isolated? In a fallen world, bad things happen. But Christ has sent the church to be the light in a dark world. Could we be the friends of the lonely to prevent the negative emotion friends of loneliness from taking root in someone’s life?
Jesus calls us to share His love with those around us. We won’t change everyone and everything. But if we worked to ensure no one was lonely, we may change more than we realize. This may be an area where pastors can help more than they realize, as many are familiar with loneliness themselves.
According to a report from the Hartford Institute for Religion Research, half of clergy say they are at least often lonely, including 37% who are frequently lonely. Another 21% say they’re sometimes lonely. Only around a quarter (28%) say they are rarely lonely.
Lifeway Research found several issues related to loneliness in the Greatest Needs of Pastors study. Specifically, around 2 in 3 pastors say they need to devote time and attention to friendships and fellowship with others (69%) or relationships with other pastors (64%). Additionally, 28% directly say loneliness or lack of friendships is one of their most significant challenges.
As pastors often know what it’s like to feel lonely, they can look for others who may be feeling the same. But they can also help their church members spot the lonely around them, which can multiply the impact.
A pastor can only be in one place at a time, but churchgoers are spread out across the community. Families can check on their neighbors. Students can make sure no one sits alone for lunch at school. Business owners and employees can encourage those at their workplace.
Not only is the church designed to be a place where people can belong and feel loved and welcomed. It’s also a people sent out to share the good news of Jesus with those around them. The church is called to love God and love others. In our isolated culture, one of the best ways we can love others is through helping them realize they are not alone.
As we do so, we may not realize the impact our kindness and caring have on history, but even more importantly, we may not know how it will echo into eternity.
This article was originally written by Aaron Earls and published to Lifeway Research.
